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[personal profile] violettawilde
 My "Be a Dragon!" event at silverflameart is going fairly slow, but I've got one commission from it.  I may need to advertise more?  I may try to hit up my SFA social media accounts to urge some participation.

I'll be working on the one commission today.  Hopefully I'll be able to finish it, though if not, then tomorrow.  

Right now, I'm in a sort of zoned-out place, drinking coffee, trying to urge myself into movement.  I may do some light exercise after I finish this cup, maybe some stretching, get the blood flowing, just for a few minutes.  I'm really quite out of shape now, and do need to start incorporating exercise into my daily life.  It's been hard because I've been struggling with various health-related problems and haven't had much energy.  I've been wanting to start incorporating short bursts of exercise throughout my day: three or four ten-minute bursts, to help boost my metabolism.  It won't do much for physical endurance, but it's better than doing nothing, and it's easier for me to say, "I'm going to exercise for ten minutes now, and ten minutes in two hours," than it is for me to say, "I'm going to do an hour and a half of cardio."  Perhaps, as I begin to do this on a regular basis, I'll be better able to do that hour and a half of cardio on my good days.  I just need to stick with it-- I keep doing it for a day or two and then stopping.

I seem to have found myself once again in caretaker mode.  My mother has been physically deteriorating at a rather alarming rate recently.  She's had a number of physical disabilities for as long as I can remember, but they seem to be spiraling now to the point where she can scarcely get around.  She spends most of the day sitting in bed, uses her walker to come into the living room to sit for a few hours a day, then goes back to bed when her pain gets too bad.  I've been taking care of her as best I can, preparing meals and checking on her throughout the day, helping her when she needs it.  Her mind is still intact, though she has severe brain fog due to her Fibromyalgia and often loses her train of thought, forgets words, and says or does odd things.  (At least, we both hope that's due to her Fibromyalgia and not from developing dementia or some such)  Despite all that, she keeps herself busy, running a blog on Wordpress, participating in a chronic illness group online, doing Dad's bookkeeping for his filmmaking business, doing numerous Bible studies.  She is, like my Dad, very very Christian, of a fundamentalist variety, which is awkward to be around, but they for the most part don't overtly badger me to come back to their faith (they do tend to do it passive-aggressively, but that's a bit easier to ignore).  

Between my own health issues (which brought me back to Houston after living in California) and the duty to take care of family, I expect I'm going to be here for awhile, so I'm trying to make the best of it.   I have my own private space, which does a lot to keep my sanity levels even.  And I focus on building and promoting my freelance work, on doing the things I enjoy such as writing, and on finding my balance.  I've had a difficult time accepting myself where I am right now, feeling like I've somehow failed in life because of it, but I think I need to start shifting my perspective on things. 

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